Home Movies - Part 13

The grey, gloomy skies of winter loom over Middleton as a snow storm forces everyone inside.  Soon, the roads will be impassable, limiting the number of stars and starlets the twins can get.  The Tweebs, already several days late to start shooting their next film, sit in the living room brainstorming and weighing their options...

Tim: What the hell are we gonna do?  The producer is breathing down our necks and both of our go-to starlets are MIA.

Jim: Yeah, where the hell are Kim and Mom anyway?

Tim: I dunno...  Waaait.  I could've sworn I heard Drakken's hover-thing over the house last night.  I bet...

Jim: Dude!  Yuh think...?

Tim: Yep, I bet that sonofabitch 'kidnapped' Mom...again.  Aaand Kim's probably out trying to rescue her.

Jim: Greaaaat.  Awesome.  Thanks, Drew.  What's up with him anyway?  He turn into some kinda bat-shit-crazy super-villain-stalker hybrid? 

Tim: Naaah, not even.  Kim said he's like, had a thing for Mom since college.  Mom and Drakken went on one, single date before she hooked up with Dad and then...  You know, that whole "you stole my not-girlfriend and now you're my enemy for life" super villain origin story crap?

Jim: Jeeesh.  Sooo cliché.  Alright, what about Shego?  Oooo, that cute, redheaded chick...what's her name...with the bug-eyes?

Tim: Miss Go, or whatever she's calling herself now, won't return my calls...probably in on the 'kidnapping' anyway.  And Melissa...after psycho-Joss went all grabby-chasey on her at the Christmas party, I wouldn't count on it.

After running through a short list of other potentials in the area, the Tweebs hear someone pounding on the front door.

Monique: Kim! Open the d-d-door!  It's friggin' fuh-freezing out here!

Tim and Jim look at one another, smirking, both having the same 'light bulb' moment.  Jim gets up and opens the front door to find a shivering Monique, dressed in nothing but sweat pants and a t-shirt.

Monique: Shh-shh-sh-shit!  I locked muh-myself outta th-th-the house.  Wh-where's Kim?  Shh-she's g-got my sss-sp-spare key.

Jim: Oh wow, you...you're freezing!  C'mere and get next to the fire!

Jim grabs her by the hand and pulls her inside, guiding her to the living room.  Tim, pretending to fiddle with a light stand, tries to look astonished.

Jim: Kim's out on a mission or something, but...you know, you're welcome to stay here until she gets back.  Tim, go get her a blanket or something.  We were, uhh, just about to start setting up for a...

Monique: (suddenly fascinated) A...  A s-ss-scene?

Jim: Uhhh, yeah...and then Kim got a call about, I dunno, robot ninja bank robbers or something?

Monique: Nnn-n-ninjas...wh-what can yuh d-do?  (stammers, embarrassed) I...  Well...  I always w-wanted to...

Jim: Tooo...what?  Watch?

Monique:  Yeah, I...  I th-think Kim was kinda embarrassed about...you know...m-me actually seeing her 'in the act'.

Tim: I don't think that's gonna be much of an issue this time around, seeing as how we don't have anyone to film.  We still gotta set up all the cameras, do test shots and whatnot, but it's kinda pointless without someone in front of the camera.

Monique: Well...heh...I could, you know, stand in.  For test purposes of course.

Tim: Really?  You'd do that for us?  Oh man, that'd make life soooo much easier until...you know, until Kim gets back.

The Tweebs give each other a quick, knowing glance then hurriedly set up all their camera and lighting equipment.  Monique looks on, completely fascinated by the entire process...and also not letting on that she's already caught on to their act.

Jim: Alright, I think we're ready for you.

Monique: (pointing at a 'X' taped to the floor) Sooo, what do I like, just stand...here?

Jim: Yep.  That's it.  Easy peasy.

Tim: (looking through a camera viewfinder) Ehhh, I dunno, dude.  She's a lil' too dark...

Monique: (suddenly irritated) Excuse me!

Tim: Your clothes...they're messing with the contrast.  What'd you think I meant?

Jim: We usually start off with Kim wearing something light colored to contrast with a dark background or vice versa.  It's kind of an artsy attention getter.  Once the clothes come off however, nobody really pays attention to it.  Hmmm, what do yuh think, dude?  A nice, warm mocha color against this backdrop?

Without hesitation, Monique strips off her t-shirt and tosses it aside, then pushes her sweat pants and underwear to her ankles.  Stepping out them, she kicks them across the room with a quizzical smile as she theatrically outstretches her arms in a 'look at me' gesture.

Jim: Ohhh-kay!  I meant, go upstairs and find something mocha-colored in Kim's wardrobe, but that works too!

Monique:  Riiight.  Look, boys...it's snowing out, you're on a deadline, all of your talent has either disappeared or can't get here, and you're running out of options.  That about right?  I was onto your game five minutes after I walked in the door, so unless this is gonna be a solo act, let's get some other talent in here and do this.  Ohh...and I don't come cheap.

The Tweebs, momentarily taken aback, stare at one another, mouths agape.  Simultaneously, their looks of dismay change to devilish smiles as they both turn towards the hallway and yell...

Tweebs: (in unison) Daaaaad!

Monique, herself now momentarily taken aback, stares as James walks into the living room dressed in a winter parka and snow boots, but is otherwise naked below the waist.  Wide-eyed and mesmerized, she can help but to gawk at the shear length of his manhood as it bounces off one thigh and then the other.

James: Alright, are you ready for me boys?  Oh, hello Monique, I...  I assumed Kimmie and Ann were going to be my co-stars.  Last minute casting change, boys?  I didn't even know you were in the business?  You're not the fluffer, are you?

Monique: (rattled, still staring at his manhood) I...  I uhhh...  Holy jeezus.  Hello, Mr Peenis.  Errrr...I mean, Possible!  Yes, hello...hello, Mr Possible!

James: Alright, well, someone's a little nervous.  Butterflies in the stomach.  We'll take it nice, slow and easy then.  (shields his mouth with his hand and whispers)  She's a little on the petite side, isn't she boys?

Tim: Ehhh, she'll be fine.  Yeah, Mom's stuck at work because of the weather and Kim got a last second mission...ninjas.

James:  Ah, those darned, pesky ninjas.  What can yuh do?  

Jim: Sooo, the scene is...  Monique's car has gotten stuck in the snow and she's forced to walk to the nearest house in a blinding blizzard.  The kindly man of the house finds her outside, delirious and instantly sees that she has hypothermia and must save the day.

Tim:Annnnnd, ACTION!

Original Art by Gagala

Edits by Phillipthe2