Ten Lords A-Leaping
One of the more popular “contests of vigor” among the gentry is the game known as “Ten Lords A-Leaping”. Its naming is derived from a verse of the popular yuletide carol “Twelve Days of Christmas”, said festive season during which it is customarily played, and the “leapfrogging” nature of the game itself.
The contest involves ten gentlemen (of aristocratic stock) and one comely wench, typically a lady of the night hired for the evening, or a naive scullery maid in need of a few shillings. The first man mounts the wench in any orifice he so chooses and must bring himself to climax within or upon her in no less than ten minutes, whereupon he is replaced by the next man in line – such an act is known among the commonality as “running a steam locomotive on her”. A round consists of all ten men completing their turns, whereupon the first man remounts the wench, thus beginning a new round. A player is disqualified if he is unable to perform or climax within the allotted time, and the game continues – ofttimes well into the wee hours of the morn – until only a single man remains. Said man is declared the winner and earns bragging rights for the coming year, while the wench is rewarded with ten shillings and five pence, a thoroughly-shagged rump, and a bellyful of upmarket ejaculate.
The current record is held by one Lord Archibald Hamish McWhopper of Glasgow, who completed an astonishing twelve rounds. He was awarded the honor posthumously, as he immediately dropped dead of overexertion upon his dozenth and final climax. He was aged eighty-six.
- Humphrey Tosserpot (1836 AD), Hanky-Panky: A Treatise.
This was
going to be my entry for the “Twelve Days of Christmas” contest, but I just
could not get all 10 lords into the scene – try as it might, my PC just could
not handle the sheer volume of finely groomed muttonchops that it had to render
and Daz kept crashing. I think I’ll take that as a sign to treat myself to a
new (or additional) GPU for Christmas.
But I didn’t want to just scrap the whole scene, so I figured I’d just post it
anyway!
UPDATE:
Good news, everyone! Apparently you don't actually need to have the relevant amount amount of characters in the scene to enter the contest. I'd just assumed that because I'd chosen the theme of "Ten Lords A-Leaping" I needed to have all 10 lords present in the scene for it to be eligible for the contest. Turns out I don't, so... guess I'll go ahead and enter!
Also turned out to be an interesting learning experience, as I played around with combining spotlights and emissive surfaces to light large a scene.
As always, enjoy and feel free to let me know what you think!
Do you want to add items to list ?