03249122 Periscope (Alicia)

Oh, Space Princess Alicia, is there no space monster that doesn’t appreciate restraining you and breeding you? I know I certainly would, but that is beside the point. Today we look at 03249122, or the movie entitled Periscope. And no, there are no periscopes in this story. Just Rainbow Ninjas trying to save an increasingly restrained space princess, and of course, they all meet their dooms in hilarious (and sexy) ways.

The story is predictable enough, the Space Princess’ transport pod crash lands, where else, but the Planet of Monsters. The Rainbow Ninjas are sent to rescue her. One by one, they go out (not as a group no, why, never mind), and meet strange fates in caves, in temples, in tight crawls between rocks, and reaching the Princess herself and getting bred with her in a scorching group monster sex scene I shall soon not forget. And I think the two of them enjoyed each other more than they did the monsters.

And during the scene, they changed positioned, helped each other, and worked hard to get themselves (and the foam rubber) off and I wonder why didn’t they escape? Never mind. Monster movie logic.

Ah, yes, the sex is one thing, but I hear you asking (maybe I don’t), what about the strange things in the movie and on the disc? Eerie dates of future events, scrambled codes, and words written on the rocks like “come” and “inevitable.” Some odd codes in the credits, and sayings like:

“Behind you.”

“The noise that awakens you.”

“We wait.”

“Stop the disc. Listen. Close your eyes.”

And one last word at the end: “Please.”

-Vex