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Thump, thump, thump... Dammit, they're at it again, I cursed and looked at my clock. 3 AM. Great; I had to be up in a couple of hours. Muffled exclamations and moans accompanied the rhythmic thumping. I still hadn't met my next-door neighbours but one thing I knew; they were the Energizer bunnies of sex; they just kept going and going and going. Night after night I woke to the thumps and moans of the pair of them getting it on.

I had seen one of them, or at least I think it was one of them; I came home late one night and there she was, a tall redhead unlocking her door. I didn't actually see her – what? Roomie? Lover? Partner? I had no idea – but a pair of slim brown arms grabbed the redhead and pulled her inside as the door thudded closed behind them. I had simply shaken my head and gotten the mail, then unlocked my door. Five minutes later, the wall between our units was shaking and I could hear them through the drywall.

I suppose I'd better explain ...